The Effects of Divorce on Children

The Effects of Divorce on Children

In this article you will find answers to the questions below and many others about divorce and its effects.

Children and divorce – What are the effects of divorce on children?

How to talk to children about divorce?

Divorce is coming, family is crushing. How to explain this to the children?

Everyone knows that a man and a woman are very different from each other. They think differently, have different feelings and make different decisions. And in the issue of family relations, they have different priorities. Misunderstanding these differences and selfishness usually leads to family conflicts, quarrels and even divorce.

Often we can see in today’s families a situation where the husband could not love his wife and the wife can not respect her husband. They are trying to force each other to love and respect, resorting to different trick pressure recrimination and even witchcraft. In most cases all this does not solve, but only aggravates the situation. It erodes their relationship as sulfuric acid, and very soon they have to give up.

How do we avoid this? How to keep the love and respect for the family? First of all, husbands need to understand what their wives really want and expect. The man usually thinks, “Why is she complaining? What else does she need? I earn money, spend the weekend at home, help her around the house, but she is still not happy!” He does not understand or realize that for most women all of these things are not priorities. In many cases a man misses the most important and significant factor for a woman – “Love”. Love that is romantic, tender and caring.

Real actions and sweet words, care and tenderness will bring your wife into raptures, give her a sense of joy, happiness and security. That is what a woman is looking for, first of all! These are priorities she is looking for in the relationship. Secondly, women should understand that what their husbands are looking for is quite different. For a man the most important is the love of his wife, expressed in respect, care and support. No one is better able to influence a man than his wife. She can make him successful, happy and confident in himself. At the same time, it is the wife that can make her husband unhappy by not treating him with respect and the love he wishes for. When husbands and wives do not understand how to treat each other is a right way, keeping a healthy relationship will be becoming harder and harder. They become constantly strained and disappointed. Now the quarrels and conflicts in the family cannot be avoided.

However, if we understand what our spouse really needs, why don’t we do it? We know what needs to be done however are not willing to actually apply this knowledge into practice. In many cases when we go to bed at night we make a decision to do it right in the morning, but in the morning do it in an opposite way.

It appears that the divorce rate today is higher than it has ever been before. Many young couples even believe that it is okay to have what is called a started marriage. It has become more and more acceptable to divorce your spouse when things get hard instead of doing what you can to work on your marriage. Also, now there are too many couples that think all troubles are now behind them once they are married. A piece of paper called “marriage certificate” making a union legal doesn’t work magic. In fact, there are a lot of people I personally know that encountered more problems after they are married than before the marriage! Don’t try to convince yourself that marriage will solve everything. It is a very a complex and fragile thing that takes work on both ends to see things through. Some couples go through marriage counseling before they take the plunge to learn how to wade through all the muck that they will be sure to encounter.

Different factors can affect in negative ways. For example, after being married for a few years some men realize that they want excitement again. They only talk to their wife about things that need to be done, and what is wrong with their situation instead of seeing how blessed they are. There is a lot of stress in relationships sometimes. This is especially true if money is an issue. Some men do not see their wife as fun and exciting anymore, because they know all about her, there is no more mystery, no more chase, she is already a given. And they want that chase again and the excitement of it. So, they go out and try to get their mind off of things at home, and find it in another woman.

Maybe they don’t cheat, but just flirting may be enough for them. They still love their wives but she is no longer the object of his affection. I think this can happen because he does not know about this other woman, she is mysterious to him. It is exciting to him, to get to know her, and it takes his mind off his problems and all of the things that have become routine and mundane to him. Meanwhile, the wife is getting less and less attention, and taking on more and more work. She may be doing a lot more than him. She will probably start to resent him, and feel he is not pulling his weight. He also is going out a lot and not treating her like she is special anymore. This makes her stressed out and very resentful of him. She may feel like he just does not care anymore, and stop believing in the whole relationship. At this rate, something is bound to happen. And give it a little time, but more than likely it will be divorce over reconciliation. The man may feel guilty, it may or may not stop him. Counseling is usually a good idea to try and save a marriage or maybe even talking each day. Doing things together such as going for a walk, taking a class, watching TV or even working out or in the yard may have a very beneficial impact on saving the relationship. It is important to become close to one another once again. If the emotional distance remains, it is likely one of them will file for divorce. This could likely be the husband or the wife.

If the husband isn’t trying it wouldn’t matter if the wife did. She is frustrated and probably very unhappy with the way her marriage turned out to be. She may think it is best to divorce and raise the kids alone or get a custody agreement; at least she wouldn’t always have to have this on her mind. Once the divorce topic comes up, it may wake the husband up and perhaps he will want to start trying in order to save his marriage. This may or may not happen, and even if it does, the wife may not forgive him as far as not wanting to take a chance of going through this again. I think this is incredibly sad, because this can really happen to anyone, and it is horrible for a family to go through. I think couples should spend time together everyday, value each other and stay close. With all the responsibilities in life it is easy to become distant and drift apart. The best thing to do in a marriage is to make sure you spend time together, and treasure and respect each other, so you will have the best chances of staying together. It is especially important if you have children, because they need their mother and father.

Whenever divorces occur, the children are often the helpless victims of the adult’s irresponsibility. If they are wanted by either parent, there will be an ugly fight to gain custody. If they are not wanted by any one parent, they are left to fend for themselves and usually end up as a burden to society. Worse still, these affected children tend to end up divorced as their parents having not experienced any semblance of a functional family life. This will perpetuate a vicious cycle which is difficult to break.

Divorce can be very difficult on the entire family, especially if there are children involved. If you in fact can not resolve your differences and you have children then you will have to come to an agreement to be there for those children regardless of your differences. As hard as it may seem you will need to put your pain, hurt and dislike for the other person behind you and be an adult. You will need to have events for your child where your ex spouse is involved. Have one birthday party, consider having a Christmas Eve Celebration where the whole family, ex spouse and all are there so the children can still have happy memories of their childhood. Just because you divorced your spouse does not mean you are not still connected to them for the rest of your life, that is if you have children. Do not make your children suffer because you could not work out your marriage. It is not fair to them. Divorce can be a very trying time in someone’s life, the most important thing to remember is this too shall pass. When it does pass you will want to ensure that your family, children and all live in a happy productive environment.

Usually, divorce becomes a situation when two people who were very close before, perhaps even soul mates, have become separated. Separated not physically, but are now separated in terms of being on the same page mentally with the same objectives and same goals. If digging a little deeper, communication is almost always the root cause or rather, a lack of communication between the married couple. Will increased communication be able to get you back on the same page again? After counseling, a surprisingly very high number of cases, report yes as the answer to that question.

We all know that unfortunately not every marriage can be saved. Certain problems may have become too complex and perhaps trying to solve them is now too dangerous. However, in my opinion if you take the time to see any problem as a possibility before you take the final step toward marriage and talk it over with your future spouse, you will see how things could turn out if they should ever happen. It is important to note how your future spouse reacts to any problem you wish to discuss. If they are trying to ignore you or simply do not want to talk about it, then you will need to get ready for communication problems which will definitely occur down the road. You may notice that your future partner may be uncomfortable with anything that’s too close to the truth. Also, I don’t believe people simply “change” after getting married. They are the same people as were before the marriage. For example, if someone is abusive in any way, nothing will likely change that person, and they need to help themselves prior to getting themselves in any kind of relationship with anyone else. Any type of danger is nothing to ignore and shrug off.

Communication, just like anything else, is a two way street. All the talking cannot be done by one person as well as all the listening cannot be done by the other. Most of us are born with a talking skill, but only a few of us realized the high importance of or have really mastered the fine art of listening. To have a healthy relationship, you must listen to what your spouse is saying, and value that input since that is what they are thinking as well as what they are at right now. By talking to you, they are probably giving you clues, like a road map, in terms of getting back on the same page as you are on.

However, for some couples, trying to work on fixing communication issues is not enough. They have now drifted too far apart for too long of a time to be able to get back and effectively reestablish communication between them. You should definitely be thinking about that there are more considerations before actually considering a divorce, however, all of your options should be very seriously considered prior to making a decision that divorce is the only viable answer, because in many number of cases, the only one of many viable options was divorce.

Please comment on this article, I will be happy to hear your opinions on my point of view.

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