Divorce Tips and Advices

Divorce Tips and Advices

Getting ready to file for divorce
When you decide that you will file for divorce, be prepared. Get all the financial information you can find. Know what your liabilities and assets are, know your spouse´s social security number. Your lawyer will need all of this information to begin the foundation of your motion.

How to start an action for divorce
To start an action for divorce, you should research the laws in your state and become familar with those laws, then go to a lawyer and file your motion.

Setting realistic goals
Letting go of your marriage is not easy. For years you thought of yourself as one partner in a two partner relationship. You planned on growing old together and now you have gone your separate ways. Set realistic goals for yourself. Start small: changing your routines, doing things that you have enjoyed but were blocked from doing as your mate did not agree. Use the time of healing for finding yourself. Look to the positive side of yourself not the negative side. Build your new life by building your sense of self.

Accept that it´s over
Accept that your marriage is over and proceed with your own life. Don´t try to obtain information about your ex-spouse´s private life through your children. The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to move ahead with your life and find happiness in a new relationship.

Your money
Open your own checking account as quickly as you possibly can. If you have joint checking and savings accounts, get those accounts closed out and get your own money so you are able to make financial decisions. Protect yourself and do it quickly.

Preparing for the storm
If your spouse has left but continues to pay all of the household bills, do not be fooled. Your spouse may end the financial support at any time. Get copies of your household TRW as well as mortgage and bank statements. Go for a consultation with an attorney to plan your next move.

Exclusive possession
When going through a divorce, and you are seeking to have the marital property for a period of time, be sure to ask for exclusive *possession* rather than exclusive *occupancy*. The difference is that if you have possession, and at some point want to move and rent it…you may, if you have exclusive occupancy, then you must live there in order to keep it.

Do not agree to anything without being informed
When your marriage is ending do not make any agreements with your spouse until you know the laws in your state, and the tax consequences of your choice. Then seek legal advice and proceed.

Keeping your credit in the black
When divorcing, ask creditors to close any joint accounts and provide you with written confirmation. Try to reopen these as individual accounts. If your ex-spouse handles a joint account irresponsibly, your credit record may suffer.

Property
When you file for divorce the division of property will be determined by the laws of your state. If you are in an equitable distribution state, then property that is not in both names will be divided by number of years of the marriage, and what each has contributed. In a community property state it is divided 50 – 50.

Children who live with domestic violence
Children who live in homes where there is spousal abuse are in psychological and physical danger. They are likely to become abusers or abused when they are in their own intimate relationships, as children learn what they live. They are in physical danger as they often attempt to stop the two people they love and need most in their lives from hurting each other. Get yourself and your children out of this situation…fast!

What to tell the children
When the children want to know why their parents are getting divorced, do not go into detail. Tell the children that you fight too much and you have both tried, but cannot resolve the issues. Do not tell them it is because mom sees other men or dad has a girlfriend, this will only hurt the children and their sense of self. Tell the children that you each love them and that this will never change, but that mom and dad can no longer live together.

Help your children see the good
When you see your child smile and it reminds you of their other parent, say something positive. For example, tell your child “you are lucky you have dad´s beautiful blue eyes”, or “mom´s winning smile”. Telling your child that through them you can see endearing parts of their other parent will go a long way in making your child feel secure. It allows your child to know that they will always be loved, even when they remind you of their other parent. It also tells the child that you still remember the good qualities of their other parent.

When you are served with a motion for divorce
When you are served with a motion for divorce, you must get a lawyer. Do not think that if you do not answer these papers or cooperate that your spouse will not be able to divorce you. In fact, your spouse may be able to not only get a divorce, but everything that they ask for. Once you are served with papers, it becomes a matter between you and the Court. Do NOT call the lawyer that your spouse is using just to get him/her to understand that you do not want a divorce; this person works for your spouse and will not do anything that is in your best interest. Find a lawyer of your own and counterfile.

Hiring a lawyer
When divorcing someone in the military, you need an attorney who has an expertise in this area, as the laws that apply are different from a civilian divorce.

How do I find a lawyer
Call your local bar association, call your local Court and look in the phone book. Interview the lawyers remember they will be working for you. Ask other people who have gone through a divorce. Make sure that the lawyer is an expert in the field of domestic law not one who does a small case load of divorces and the majority of his work is real estate. Look for a lawyer who is well known at the court and well respected in the legal community, this means that they are seasoned and that is what you want.

What to look for in a lawyer
When searching for a lawyer there are some important qualifications you should look for. He should: have experience in matrimonial law; be familiar with current pension, retirement and tax issues relevant to late-life divorce, if that´s your situation; be affordable or willing to allow you to pay in increments; be sympathetic to your personal values; be able to negotiate with your spouse´s attorney and litigate in court if necessary; be comfortable advising you if you decide to seek mediation.

Different states, different laws
There is no set time limit on getting a divorce. You must find the laws in your state or seek legal advice from a local attorney to estimate how long it will take.

The divorce process duration and waiting period
This question depends on the state you are in. For example: a divorce in Michigan takes 60 days without children and 180 days (6 months) with children. This time period begins from the time you first file your first papers with the court. Call your Circuit Court in your county to find out your exact “Waiting Period” or look for Divorce Guidelines for your state.

Divorcing when children are young
Divorcing when your children are young can have beneficial affects for your children. They do not grow up in home that has been filled with angry words only to end up having their parents divorce. A young child from a divorced family does not know any other way of living, and, if the parents are cooperative and respectiful, comes to feel that he\she has two homes.

How to tell the children that you are getting a divorce
If it is possible, the children should be told by both parents about the divorce. They should know who will be remaining in the household with them, and how and when they will be seeing the parent who is moving. Each of the parents should reassure the children that the separation is not due to anything the children have done, and that both parents will continue to love and provide for them. This is very important.

Inform your children together
Decide with your spouse the best way to inform your children of why you are divorcing, and tell them together if possible. Try to let them know what to expect in straightforward and realistic terms. Answer any questions simply and directly. It is not necessary to give them more information than requested. If they ask embarrassing or inappropriate questions, let them know that these subjects are between mom and dad.

Relocation
After the divorce, and one parent moves away from the other parent, the Court may find that the parent who moved must bear the expense of any visitation travel involved. If both parents have agreed to the move, then the Court may find that both parties must share in the cost of transportation.

The death of an ex´s family member
Often when a couple divorces and there is a death in their ex´s family they are left feeling torn. Do they go and show their respect, or stay away? It is best to speak to your ex and ask how they would feel about your going. If you cannot approach your ex on this issue then do not go. Send some flowers or a card, and do not keep the children from attending.

Parent Education Programs
Parent education programs are helpful for divorcing parents. These programs are designed to assist parents in continuing to co-parent their children while they are living apart. It directs parents in behavior that is supportive for their children´s emotional and psychological well being.

The finances of dating
Generally, the man pays for the first date or two, and after that, it´s up for grabs. Maybe he gets the movie tickets and you spring for popcorn. Or she buys dessert after the theater. It´s ok to expect the man to pay, and it´s ok for the woman to offer.

Putative fathers
If you have a child out of wedlock you do not need to use the father´s surname for your child. You can put who the father is on the birth certificate and use your surname for your child.

To use a lawyer or not to use a lawyer
Before choosing to go ´pro se´, get some legal advice. A mistake made in the divorce often cannot be undone.

Know the law for your state
Many firms and sites advertise quick, inexpensive divorces. Before using them find out if the laws in your state will accept this form of divorce.

To divorce or not to divorce
Often, parents wonder if it would be better to wait until the children are grown to file for divorce. The parent´s first concern should be for their children. If you feel that you can wait for the children to grow up before you file, you might want to try marriage counseling. If you are living in a toxic environment, then it is hurting the children and you more than a divorce will.

Money from inlaws
If your inlaws gave you money during the marriage and they now claim that it was a loan, you may be held equally responsible for repaying the “loan”.

When you can´t find your estranged spouse
It pays to get a lawyer and file for a divorce as you will continue to be held financially responsible for your missing spouse.